The tea leaf haiku

Soggy tea leaves in 
a pot will be tomorrow’s 
dried and trusted poem.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Now try and tell the future from that! This was obscurely inspired by someone else's haiku on rose petals (always a favorite poetic flavoring ingredient) in someone else's tea that were about to become a poem. What do you call that? Parasitic? Transformation? Transgression? Leap? Sorry about the extra syllable. Purists might care. Final speculation: Is this the poem now, or will it only become poem tomorrow?

The December in Rome haiku

Can’t believe I called
for air conditioning in June
now that I shiver.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
The truth and nothing but. Do you ever feel that there’s no possibility of too much heat when there’s (definitely!) too much cold? ... And Rome’s nothing compared to Moscow or Irkutsk!

The Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen haiku

The chimes of freedom
flashing and dancing in the 
dark mix persistent

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Yesterday they played something by the Boss* at the coop supermarket, which was a welcome change from the idiotic stuff they mostly play, and a few days ago I listened to some songs by the Byrds on youtube, including Dylan’s Chimes of freedom. Some time this morning I found both songs going round and round in my head in an inextricable jumble, sort of my own DJ mind mix.

What connects the two songs? No idea, but must be significant.

*It wasn’t Dancing in the dark but Tougher than the rest, I seem to recall.

The artificial intelligence haiku

Stop second guessing
and correcting what I have
to say, you dumbshit.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Notes
Needs to be urgently said before this artificial so-called “intelligence” takes over everything completely. Like Google: “Did you mean ...?” NO, I DEFINITELY DID NOT! STOP QUESTIONING MY INTELLIGENCE, YOU ARTIFICIAL NITWIT and then presenting “sponsored” results I did not ask for.

Stop putting words in my mouth (or under my fingers), Android! You are not even vaguely an android but a stupidly programmed piece of idiocy.

Long live artificial inanity – it shall eventually achieve its ultimate goal: to stop everyone from doing their own thinking.

The blue Spanish eyes haiku

Actually those
Spanish eyes were more likely
to be brown. Sí, sí.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Woke up with this song coming into my head in a train of thought that started with Frank Sinatra and Nancy Sinatra singing something stupid like I love you, went on to Dean Martin and the Rat Pack (wondering if any of them were still alive), then Al Martino and that one and only song of his I remember.

The 1970s movie title haiku

Dame in a car with
oversized sunglasses and
a loaded shotgun

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 1977)

Note
Movies with similar titles came out in the 1970s in Europe. The dating of the copyright is in synch with the thought and inspiration, not the actual time of writing, which is good old 2017. Picture the sunglasses as similar to those Jackie O. would wear.

An unpleasant haiku

Approaching my hand
to my nose, I realized 
it smelled like garbage.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
The truth and nothing but. When that occurred just now, I remembered that I’d taken some plastic trash to the dumpster during the walk I’d just returned from. I must have made contact with the dumpster when throwing the bag in the square hole. Not to worry – I washed my hands thoroughly before writing this down.

A so what poem

I betrayed the sea
when I pretended
I didn’t want to tame it

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
More of an illustration or example than a real poem (one that would have come from my heart). What is a so what poem? It is a poem that is based on a preposterous, pretentious assumption, like the one above. Why would anyone in his right mind give a shit about some poet drooling about pretending not to want to tame the sea? Should or would the sea really care? Unfortunately, the genre of so what poems seems to abound and thrive. Particularly on social networks.

A summer visit haiku

Two sultry perfumes
clashing on the sofa and
the fan mixing them.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Razor-edge-of-time haiku reporting. The truth and nothing but.

The Face of an Angel

(a movie one-liner)

A pretentious, bloated piece of not much lost in search of who knows what, just like its cocaine-snorting hero.

Notes
This is about the British film The Face of an Angel (2014), directed by Michael Winterbottom and starring Daniel Brühl, Kate Beckinsale, Valerio Mastandrea and others. It is called a psychological thriller by Wikipedia. However, the thrills are few and far between, and the psychology is mysterious to non-existent. Dante's Beatrice crops up all over as some sort of far-fetched leitmotiv. Only the director and script writer may know why. But hey, it's Italian and Italian world literature and the movie is set in Dante country. If you want to get some relevant information about the real-world murder mystery (Meredith Kercher case of 2007) this is based on, look elsewhere.

वैन गो कान से मुकत हो गए 

उनको  सुनने की ज़रूरत नहीं थीं :

उन्होंने पहले से ही अपनी दिव्य आवाज को भीतर से सुना ।

 

अल-माररी को वास्तव में इतना ज़्यादा दिखाई देता 

कि उनको अपनी 

आँखों की ज़रूरत नहीं पड़ी ।   

 

चारेंट्स की कब्र नहीं है 

क्योंकि 

वह हमेशा अमर रहेंगे । 

 

मैं अपने बाएँ हाथ से लोगों का स्वागत करता हूँ 

क्योंकि मैं अपने दाहिने हाथ से 

भगवान को अभिनन्दन कर रहा हूँ । 

 

– एडवर्ड हारेंट्स

    

The surreal surprise haiku

Black, black cherries. And
suddenly an eruption
of earwigs, earwigs.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Did not happen quite that way. But I started eating a nectarine when a big earwig fell out of the pit, which had partially split the way it sometimes happens with nectarines. That was surreal enough, actually. But then I thought of a pile of black cherries and discovering, when taking a closer look, that there were masses of earwigs underneath a thin layer of cherries...

The brutal reality haiku

If it's not fake, it's
most likely war, injustice,
fraud or betrayal.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
A somewhat pessimistic view of what’s going on in the world.
What brought that on?
Looking at the news, I suppose, suppressing the few hopeful items that are reported on now and then as well as advertising, which suggests that everything is fun and games if you buy the right products.

The big business haiku

Spotless pin stripe suits
and nothing but shit in their
dirty underpants.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Would I ever write a haiku without a note? Naw!
This little one is pretty much self-explanatory, I would think. For anyone who might not get it: big business is two-faced ... on the pretty side it’s all advertising (premium products, service excellence, best customer experience, bla bla bla), on the stinky side it’s all about exploiting their workers and suppliers down to the shameless hilt (and preferably beyond). Anything that serves the greed of the top tier and makes them rich.

Time travel Bengali style

(Another one-line movie quickshot)

Abby Sen (2015) is a beautifully filmed time travel drama/comedy that is well worth watching - but do not expect this to be an action movie; this is a detail and character-oriented film that takes its time and is ultimately very rewarding.

Directed by Atanu Ghosh, starring Abir Chatterjee, Raima Sen, Chiranjeet Chakraborty, Bratya Basu, and Priyanka Sarkar.

The oh Windows poem

(Small ode to updatitis)

My computer has just received
the latest Windows update

Which means it’ll be busy
Microsofting for an hour or so

Instead of doing
what it needs to do

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Once in a while I let Windows install an update and immediately regret it because it means that the PC will be slow as a snail for at least an hour afterwards doing God knows Microsoft what instead of working for me.

The failed poetry haiku

Objects juxtaposed
and not filled with poetic
meaning – fail! Fail! Fie!

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Elucidating note
Such objects or emotional weight carriers might be, for example: evening, window across, still unbegun, longing, promise, return, unspoken, unsaid, arm of love, fingers touching the heart, castles in the air (don’t call them pipe dreams, that removes the poetic component), etc.

The age of well-ventilated knees

These days of torn pants may well be remembered as the age of well-ventilated knees by future generations.

(Who knows - doctors may remember them best for the increase in osteoarthritis ...)

The opium haiku

This so-called fragrance
is an allergen. Makes me
sneeze. Kills small animals.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Based on facts! Even though at least one person I know and love would contradict me vehemently and keeps wearing it.

Disclaimer
Does not refer to the drug.

Gods of Egypt

(Another movie one-liner)

An overblown piece of Hollywood fantacrap with shitloads of tiring special effects – don't waste your time and money on this one.

– Leonard Blumfeld

Note
Refers to the 2016 film Gods of Egypt, directed by Alex Proyas and starring Gerard Butler – darkened somewhat to look particularly sinister – and a slew of other ethnically incorrect white actors. If you want to find out something worthwhile about ancient Egypt or Egyptian deities, give this bore a miss and visit your local library.

The sideburn haiku

That should do – shave off
the sideburns along with the
frontburns and backburns.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Wonder what it would look like if someone did that?

Happy happy felicity

The Linguasso Text Collage generator is alive and well! It generated this collage for me and made me chuckle heartily. Try it out for yourself ...

A mostly stolen haiku

In the box
nothing
laughing

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
What happened here is that I read someone’s haiku, which had something (some object I can’t recall) in place of the nothing and seemed quite flat. So, to pep things up a bit and introduce some leaping* element, I used nothing instead. Try to imagine nothing laughing. What would that laughter look like/sound like? Nothing has no face, no voice. Quite apart from the fact that this haiku is seriously underfilled by common syllabic standards.

* Cf. Robert Bly, Leaping Poetry

The Hateful Eight

(One-line movie quickshots)

A lengthy exercise in Tarantinoism - no need to waste your time on that one.

- Leonard Blumfeld

Note
This quickshot refers to the 2015 film The Hateful Eight, directed by Quentin Tarantino and starring Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell and Jennifer Jason Leigh and others. Go ahead and watch if you get off on cruelty, gore, etc.

A cough next door at 1 p.m.

(Another truthful haiku)

She must be rising
after last night’s 4 o’clock
boyfriend shouting match

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Nothing but the truth reported here. The dear neighbor girl came home with her latest sweetheart around 11 last night, exposed the entire neighborhood to rumba zumba music for an hour and later proceeded to have it out publicly with the guy down below between 4 and 5 in the morning.

A Sunday morning haiku

Woken up by the
bark of a dog named Leila
passing by below.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Of course I wouldn’t have known the dog’s name if her master hadn’t said it as he was trying to calm her down. Rome, January 29, 2017, 9:22 a.m.

The rhymed morning note haiku

Darling, I’m going
very far – I’m on my way
to the coffee bar.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Completely authentic. Conceived in my head en tour to that said establishment.

The what does that bode for Rome haiku

January 2, 2017

Productivity:
piles of fresh dogshit along
the sidewalks today

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Sad to say, the first poem this year starts on a disgusting note. However, the scats were too numerous and strategically placed to go unnoticed. Oh well.