The Tender Bar

 

The Tender Bar (2021, directed by George Clooney, starring Ben Affleck, Daniel Ranieri, Tye Sheridan, Lily Rabe, Christopher Lloyd)

Whatever rode George Clooney - whom I generally respect both as a director and an actor - to direct and produce this seemingly endless bore of a movie?

Nothing about it feels original or genuine - it comes off as a refurbished parts store. When you enter, you know you've seen all the parts (people, situations, locations) somewhere before, many times, in a variety of places and constellations from Hollywood or TV.

A collection of stereotypes and a waste of acting talent (it's not like Affleck etc. don't perform well).

I did not last through to the end. Maybe I've seen too many movies. But go ahead and see for yourself.

Paul, Apostle of Christ (2018)

A solemn solid bore.

(4-word movie review)

This refers to the 2018 movie Paul, Apostle of Christ written and directed by Andrew Hyatt and starring James Faulkner as Saint Paul and Jim Caviezel as Saint Luke. Could not bring myself to sit through this, presented by Sky in time for Easter 2019, for more than the first 20 minutes. Only die-hard Bible drama lovers might get something out of this.

Mektoub, my love: canto uno

 If you're ready to sit through 180 minutes of a multitude of characters - most of whom are hard to distinguish from one another -, endless banal gab reminiscent of the worst Eric Rohmer talkies, a drawn-out voyeuristic sex scene right at the beginning, an equally drawn-out sheep birth scene towards the end and never-ending bar, beach and restaurant scenes in between, then I would definitely recommend this French/Italian movie by Abdellatif Kechiche.

Refers to the movie Mektoub, My Love: Canto Uno from 2017, which for incomprehensible reasons won two awards at the 2017 Venice International Film Festival. After watching the film, I was so puzzled why it was ever made that I read synopses and articles about it on the Internet and wondered whether they were about the same movie or whether these articles were copied from something someone had written without seeing it.

Spinning Man (2018)

A "thriller" that leaves you hanging rather than spinning, wondering what might have happened between the various gaps in storytelling ... some weird psychological / philosophical game between cop (Pierce Brosnan, has done better) and suspect (Guy Pearce, meandering between lost and nasty and utterly unconvincing as a professor his young students are supposed to lust after) ... all about the truth we somehow never get to know in a satisfactory manner in this time waster.

Refers to Spinning Man (2018), directed by Simon Kaijser and starring Pierce Brosnan, Guy Pearce and Minnie Driver. 

The Con Is On (2018)

“An unfunny comedy about assorted murderous, scamming, drug and booze consuming sleazoids; it may work if you consider it to be a far-fetched satire on the scummy oligarchs that are currently in charge of some major countries.”

Refers to the 2018 movie The Con Is On, directed by James Oakley and starring Uma Thurman, Tim Roth, Alice Eve, Sofía Vergara and Maggie Q. Anyone can safely skip this one without missing anything worthwhile.

Knock Knock (2015)

An exploitative piece of Hollywood trash that doesn't even deserve fast forwarding.

One-line review of  Knock Knock (2015), directed by Eli Roth and starring Keanu Reeves (definitely one of the lows of his acting career).

The Face of an Angel

(a movie one-liner)

A pretentious, bloated piece of not much lost in search of who knows what, just like its cocaine-snorting hero.

Notes
This is about the British film The Face of an Angel (2014), directed by Michael Winterbottom and starring Daniel Brühl, Kate Beckinsale, Valerio Mastandrea and others. It is called a psychological thriller by Wikipedia. However, the thrills are few and far between, and the psychology is mysterious to non-existent. Dante's Beatrice crops up all over as some sort of far-fetched leitmotiv. Only the director and script writer may know why. But hey, it's Italian and Italian world literature and the movie is set in Dante country. If you want to get some relevant information about the real-world murder mystery (Meredith Kercher case of 2007) this is based on, look elsewhere.