Showing posts with label deadpan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deadpan. Show all posts

Thursday, January 18, 2024

Photography haiku

 


Found out this morning
I have neither spider web 
photos nor smoke pix

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2024)

Notes
I’ve been known to participate in some photography challenges where you’re invited to post a photo to match a given topic. This made me realize that I have nothing suitable for at least two topics. The above smoky picture is actually a fake – the interior of this room looks smoky but in reality the smoke was the result of a dirty window through which I shot the photo. As to spider web photos, I have nothing to show. Must try to look for webs!

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Blues - a haiku

 


Irritable sky
then a classy big blues run
because of the greens

by Shinji Murakami


Note
Blame it all on the greens! An Internet-generated haiku based on personal input. The author chose to delete the poem from the site, which generated the following message:


Poor dog!

Thursday, April 21, 2022

The snot catcher haiku

   

Silver horseshoe 
dangling from mademoiselle’s
dainty little nose.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2022)

Note
I occasionally wonder whether there is a practical reason for this facial jewelry...

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Happy Sunday!

Some nasty little
yapper is spitting venom
outside and loves it.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2021)

Note
That too on Valentine’s day – when everything’s supposed to be lovey-dovey.

P.S:
You know me – when I come up with a title like ‘Happy Sunday’, it most likely won’t be all that happy. But there’s ‘loves’ in it after all.

LoL. – The Old Grump.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

The dark day haiku


Carry a flashlight
to walk the streets of Rome – it
is that dark today.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
The truth and nothing but. The seemingly endless scorchers of summer 2020 have come to a dark and wet end for the time being.

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Dunking simplified

Put the cookie in
your mouth, sip coffee, wait
until soggy, down.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
There are people with dunking problems, e.g. if the cookie disintegrates when dunked in the coffee (or tea or milk or whatever). Follow the above haiku to avoid this. Try it!

PS: I was going to write “down the hatch” instead of “down”, but that would have violated haiku rules.

Sunday, February 2, 2020

The monosyllabic haiku

Oh! So, no if but 
and or what not like that true
no, no, it ain’t bro.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
The year and my blogs have gotten off to a slow start – took me until February to even think of posting something. And now it’s this mono-syllable thing that doesn’t say much, does it? Yes, I think it could be safely said that it is somewhat reticent in the meaning department.

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

The stopped on Via Laurentina haiku

All five fingers of
right hand on her face, middle
pushing up nose tip

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
The truth and nothing but. Observed the driver of a car in the right lane while stuck in traffic this morning.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Sunday haiku

Most haiku
fall flat
on their you know what

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Lo! He’s broken his lasting poetic silence to come out with an underfilled haiku denigrating the genre, and that on Sunday. As to the you know what, there are two principal possibilities.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

The jomo haiku


Dear John, enjoyed not
being there among dfs
slurping aperol

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
As you (all 3 of you constituting my dear audience) know, JOMO stands for “joy of missing out.” It is with that emotion that I missed out on yet another apero party organized by a well-known expat yuppy organization in yet another umpteen star hotel bar in that capital of apero parties of the land of aperol spritz. As to what “dfs” may mean, give free reign to your imagination.

Friday, April 5, 2019

The instagram profile haiku

Lives in Japan, has
Japanese name, takes pictures
of his aging cats.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Notes
What do you really know about your numerous social network friends (apart from the ones you actually know in person)? Sometimes just some surface facts – as in the above haiku – that don’t amount to much. They remain, in E. M. Forster’s terminology (cf. Aspects of the Novel), rather flat characters that can be (insufficiently) described by one or two or three features.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Hell hath no fury

greater than a 
next door neighbor with a 
hammer drill

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
The truth and nothing but, first hand. This man won't stop until there's a zillion holes in every wall. Here’s to William Congreve who is misquoted here.

Monday, December 31, 2018

First December 31st Haiku

It’s cleaning day, can’t
hear a thing but vacuum
cleaner howl.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Named this “First December 31st Haiku”. Surely there’s going to be something more important today than meditating on an obnoxious vacuum cleaner. It’s a bagless one from AEG, which works fine except for the you know what. On that note: Happy New Year!

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

The Tom and Jerry haiku

You take the cats out
with you and shut the door. That’s
it for a long while.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The first two lines are pretty much stolen from someone else's 14-line poem that started this way. The remaining 12 lines were full of details I didn’t quite feel like bothering with, imagining that the most exciting event had been described (that of letting the cats out), so I kind of skimmed through the rest (back asleep, rain forecast, sugar the strawberries, canceled, drift back beneath, to list a few) and then decided to name the unnamed cats Tom and Jerry to pep the whole thing up. How’s that for genesis?

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

The more than this haiku

More than this there’s
nothing – Roxy Music – more
of this – make my day

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The truth and nothing but. This song by Roxy Music played at the bar while I was having today’s second coffee. The bartender started singing it as soon as he’d heard the first chords. Whenever I hear this, I’m reminded of Bill Murray’s unforgettable karaoke version in Lost in Translation.

Monday, February 19, 2018

A lull haiku

Slow morning, just had
toast and coffee while watching
news on French TV.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The plain and simple truth with some omissions for haiku conciseness. Nothing material was omitted. No people, animals or plants were harmed in the making of this haiku. How good a slow morning can be!

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

The tea leaf haiku

Soggy tea leaves in 
a pot will be tomorrow’s 
dried and trusted poem.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Now try and tell the future from that! This was obscurely inspired by someone else's haiku on rose petals (always a favorite poetic flavoring ingredient) in someone else's tea that were about to become a poem. What do you call that? Parasitic? Transformation? Transgression? Leap? Sorry about the extra syllable. Purists might care. Final speculation: Is this the poem now, or will it only become poem tomorrow?

Monday, February 27, 2017

The sideburn haiku

That should do – shave off
the sideburns along with the
frontburns and backburns.


– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Wonder what it would look like if someone did that?

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

A mostly stolen haiku

In the box
nothing
laughing


– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
What happened here is that I read someone’s haiku, which had something (some object I can’t recall) in place of the nothing and seemed quite flat. So, to pep things up a bit and introduce some leaping* element, I used nothing instead. Try to imagine nothing laughing. What would that laughter look like/sound like? Nothing has no face, no voice. Quite apart from the fact that this haiku is seriously underfilled by common syllabic standards.

* Cf. Robert Bly, Leaping Poetry

Friday, February 3, 2017

A cough next door at 1 p.m.

(Another truthful haiku)

She must be rising
after last night’s 4 o’clock
boyfriend shouting match


– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Nothing but the truth reported here. The dear neighbor girl came home with her latest sweetheart around 11 last night, exposed the entire neighborhood to rumba zumba music for an hour and later proceeded to have it out publicly with the guy down below between 4 and 5 in the morning.