The desperate letters haiku

 

Writing half-withered
letters to Sea, the under-
standing blue houseplant

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note:
Inspired by a haiku by N. Gutierrez, turned inside out and deformed in other ways.

Photo by Antonio Grosz on Unsplash

My life as a hunter and gatherer

was short-lived. I could 
not kill animals and found 
only acorns to eat.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
There are some, mostly male chauvinists, who proclaim that they were meant to be hunters (while women were meant to be gatherers, of course) and that the failure of many men in current society can be explained by the alienation that is due to them not being able to go after their hunting business. So I pictured this return to nature for myself for a second, did a mental reality check and quickly returned to contemporary amenities (for example, a computer to write and publish stuff).

Dunking simplified

Put the cookie in
your mouth, sip coffee, wait
until soggy, down.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
There are people with dunking problems, e.g. if the cookie disintegrates when dunked in the coffee (or tea or milk or whatever). Follow the above haiku to avoid this. Try it!

PS: I was going to write “down the hatch” instead of “down”, but that would have violated haiku rules.

Leave A Note

Played around with one of Jennifer Dewalt's sites called Leave A Note.

These are notes I left:

No idea why I was thinking of the Beatles, but this sure was fun, like many other of her sites.

By the way: The correct reading sequence is to start from the bottom.

Monosyllabic again

Oh no! What now? So
we’re fucked? Can’t be all true, no
way, Ho Say! Right-ho.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
I seem to remember having written and posted a monosyllabic haiku (don’t remember it or what it might have been about – but I have a chronically bad memory for things I’ve written, so nothing new there). 
Well, here comes another one. It cheats a little bit, because José actually has two syllables. However, I don’t think this will upset anyone excessively. 
Anyway, the general bias goes well with this year, which might go down in history as a year that was effed up in many ways.

PS: Did research and found the other one.

The Donald Trump haiku

The mover and shaker
has moved to another golf course
to shake a few clubs.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
Doing the only thing he might be half good at. Besides spreading lies and clapping for himself, of course. The haiku is slightly overfilled, like the man himself.

The amazing prowess of Goggle ... oops ... you know what

   

Goggle keeps amazing the world! 

   

Not only is it the world's best search engine (how bad must the others be!) according to Internet statistics that appear to be virtually unanimous, but it also offers Goggle docs, which allow you to do anything you could possibly want ... except buying food and eating it while you're working on your Goggle docs.

However, there's one thing it doesn't like ... and considers a potential "grammar" issue:

DO NOT USE GOGGLE INSTEAD OF GOOGLE

The Windows update haiku

Walking around like
a tiger in a cage – Micro-
soft is updating.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Notes
The truth and nothing but. Well, except that I didn’t really turn into a tiger. But my anger is that of a caged big cat. It’s been going on for years – you are trying to get some work done while Microsoft nixes all your plans by doing an excruciatingly slow update it deems necessary for reasons even Microsoft probably doesn’t understand. Otherwise they would not constantly update their crap.

The monosyllabic haiku

Oh! So, no if but 
and or what not like that true
no, no, it ain’t bro.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2020)

Note
The year and my blogs have gotten off to a slow start – took me until February to even think of posting something. And now it’s this mono-syllable thing that doesn’t say much, does it? Yes, I think it could be safely said that it is somewhat reticent in the meaning department.

The freezing December night haiku

It’s just me and the
moon now, a noncommittal
cold stare from above.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Once in a while it hits us all – the urge to involve the moon in poetry. This is the outcome of my latest moon wax attack. Thank God it’s from above. From below would definitely be spooky. Should have worn mittens and a warm hat on that imaginary December night walk.

The looking at an old picture haiku

Was she playing a
harmonica or was that 
a fake wide moustache?

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
You know those old photos – sharp, black and white and very small. So, I am unable to tell without a magnifying glass. I remember the hike we took in the mountains of Crete way back when but have no recollection of that harmonica or moustache instant. She’s standing on rocks under an olive tree with her hand held close to her mouth. As you would to hold a moustache in place or point to it or to hold and play a harmonica. Will we ever know?

A know-it-all

Even his “I don’t know anything about this” sounded like “I don’t know much more anything about this than you ever will.”

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Sunday haiku

Most haiku
fall flat
on their you know what

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Lo! He’s broken his lasting poetic silence to come out with an underfilled haiku denigrating the genre, and that on Sunday. As to the you know what, there are two principal possibilities.

Another bead of Chinese wisdom

“A lake is a failed attempt to break through to the sea.”

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Again, I’m not sure what exactly the significance of this bead of Chinese wisdom is even though it might be considered to be true in some indirect way.

The jomo haiku

Dear John, enjoyed not
being there among dfs
slurping aperol

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
As you (all 3 of you constituting my dear audience) know, JOMO stands for “joy of missing out.” It is with that emotion that I missed out on yet another apero party organized by a well-known expat yuppy organization in yet another umpteen star hotel bar in that capital of apero parties of the land of aperol spritz. As to what “dfs” may mean, give free reign to your imagination.

The can’t trust bird shit haiku

Got shat on today,
but all of the numbers I 
drew were shitty duds.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Razor edge of time reporting from the truth front. I was debating with myself whether to make the haiku prettier by using “pretty” instead of “shitty”, but prettiness lost out. After all, it was shit that made me buy two lottery tickets.

The supersonic haiku

The TV talks, the radio 
talks, the people talk, the
pizza would if it could.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
Based on a real pizzeria/bar experience. I decided to call this “supersonic” because the atmosphere created by the competing sound sources was definitely more than just sonic.

A bead of Chinese wisdom

“You never hear lambs complain about sheep’s milk.”

Note
I’m not sure what exactly the significance of this bead of Chinese wisdom is even though it is entirely true.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

The eventful afternoon haiku

Fell asleep watching
Sherlock Holmes’ private life – not
a single thing missed

– Leonard Blumfled (© 2019)

Note
Razor edge of time reporting from the real life front. The movie (The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, 1970), even though directed by Billy Wilder, who has made great films, is only worth a few yawns ... or sleeping through part of it.

The new person heard about today haiku

Nicaraguan
named Scarlet now living in 
Miami. Good bye!

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2019)

Note
One of those truth and nothing but razor edge of time poems. Probably just as significant as the red wheelbarrow.