First December 31st Haiku

It’s cleaning day, can’t
hear a thing but vacuum
cleaner howl.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Named this “First December 31st Haiku”. Surely there’s going to be something more important today than meditating on an obnoxious vacuum cleaner. It’s a bagless one from AEG, which works fine except for the you know what. On that note: Happy New Year!

Spinning Man (2018)

A "thriller" that leaves you hanging rather than spinning, wondering what might have happened between the various gaps in storytelling ... some weird psychological / philosophical game between cop (Pierce Brosnan, has done better) and suspect (Guy Pearce, meandering between lost and nasty and utterly unconvincing as a professor his young students are supposed to lust after) ... all about the truth we somehow never get to know in a satisfactory manner in this time waster.

Refers to Spinning Man (2018), directed by Simon Kaijser and starring Pierce Brosnan, Guy Pearce and Minnie Driver. 

The Instagram pout haiku

Brought to her knees by
her own beauty and that pout
as she shoots herself

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
View Instagram for zillions of examples.

What the horoscope said

Realize that you will never get any further than the rut you're in until you take a deep breath, aim high, and shoot for your dreams.

Note
DNGOMOM - did not grow on my own manure. Sweet note from the daily horoscope for capricorn. I love the aiming & shooting part. Is the deep breath really necessary, though?

The honest dog haiku

Never liked ‘em much – 
their barking, their shitting, their 
police behavior.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Notes
A poem inspired by crass reality.
Every morning there are a few new piles on the sidewalk for you to step in.
One beast is an incessant shrill yelper his owners love to inflict on everyone in the neighborhood by putting him on the balcony for hours.
And then there are the public parks that have basically become dog parks where the curs run at you barking and snarling from every direction and where their owners, if they can be bothered, assure you sweetly that they’re puppies (how’s that for a hundred pounds of aggressive snarl sprinting towards you?) who are just playing.
And last but not least there are those owners who think it's a great idea to take the poor creatures for walks in shopping malls, where they can either be frightened to be stepped on or bark at other dogs they meet.
It’s a dog’s life!

A rhyming haiku

Take time; this is it – 
flowers will wilt, blossoms will 
drop, and you will sit.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Thinking about my recent literary productivity (approaching zero), I thought: “Time for another haiku at least!” And this is it.

The Con Is On (2018)

“An unfunny comedy about assorted murderous, scamming, drug and booze consuming sleazoids; it may work if you consider it to be a far-fetched satire on the scummy oligarchs that are currently in charge of some major countries.”

Refers to the 2018 movie The Con Is On, directed by James Oakley and starring Uma Thurman, Tim Roth, Alice Eve, Sofía Vergara and Maggie Q. Anyone can safely skip this one without missing anything worthwhile.

Knock Knock (2015)

An exploitative piece of Hollywood trash that doesn't even deserve fast forwarding.

One-line review of  Knock Knock (2015), directed by Eli Roth and starring Keanu Reeves (definitely one of the lows of his acting career).

The punishment haiku

I’m being punished
by having to watch ads for
not wanting to pay

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Whenever I want to play a silly game of solitaire in Windows 10, I get to see a bunch of silly ads for other silly games from Microsoft. Years ago, solitaire was a freebie Microsoft threw in with earlier Windows versions. Everything, including the most insipid stuff, is becoming increasingly monetized in this brave new world. And I mean brave in Aldous Huxley’s sense.

The about H. haiku

Takes pictures of his
girlfriend wherever they go – 
strictly analog.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The truth and strictly the truth about H. Only the initial was changed to avoid any risk of identification. Follows the William Carlos Williams rule of “no ideas but in things”. But are there any ideas?