First December 31st Haiku

It’s cleaning day, can’t
hear a thing but vacuum
cleaner howl.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Named this “First December 31st Haiku”. Surely there’s going to be something more important today than meditating on an obnoxious vacuum cleaner. It’s a bagless one from AEG, which works fine except for the you know what. On that note: Happy New Year!

What the horoscope said

Realize that you will never get any further than the rut you're in until you take a deep breath, aim high, and shoot for your dreams.

Note
DNGOMOM - did not grow on my own manure. Sweet note from the daily horoscope for capricorn. I love the aiming & shooting part. Is the deep breath really necessary, though?

A rhyming haiku

Take time; this is it – 
flowers will wilt, blossoms will 
drop, and you will sit.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Thinking about my recent literary productivity (approaching zero), I thought: “Time for another haiku at least!” And this is it.

The trap haiku

The greatest trap in
haiku is to milk trite stuff
for trite symbolism.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
See thousands of haiku for examples. But is it bad to derive trite symbolisms from trite stuff? That is the question! Millions of flies might disagree.

Oh sweet lord

Dear mom, as you go on to complain,
there's a delicious food on my brain

If I could have that apple crumble
I swear I'd instantly cease to mumble!

Contrary to present dismay,
this would result in a very happy day

– Felix Morgenstern (© 2018)

Note
For the longest time, this was an orphaned draft consisting of these words: "She was drawn to the apple crumble and could not resist. Having eaten it, though, left her" and had the draft title "Diet problems." As you can see, it was drastically rewritten and now ends on a happy note.

The endless summer haiku

Oysters and summer balm
night and drunk
tequila on love

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
A permutation of somebody else’s haiku using the same words. Seemed a bit too obvious, so I moved things around. Feel free to try and reconstruct the original!

The Tom and Jerry haiku

You take the cats out
with you and shut the door. That’s
it for a long while.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The first two lines are pretty much stolen from someone else's 14-line poem that started this way. The remaining 12 lines were full of details I didn’t quite feel like bothering with, imagining that the most exciting event had been described (that of letting the cats out), so I kind of skimmed through the rest (back asleep, rain forecast, sugar the strawberries, canceled, drift back beneath, to list a few) and then decided to name the unnamed cats Tom and Jerry to pep the whole thing up. How’s that for genesis?

The before kissing haiku

Already thinking how
her decidedly long nose
might get in the way

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Pure fiction inspired by a photo portrait I came across about 12 seconds before I wrote this. And why is decidedly so hard to type without typos?

The poised haiku

It is sovereign
in weight distribution, bright
ease and breeziness

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Most haiku (at least the ones that come to my eyes) are pretentious – in insinuating they have to offer something worthwhile – as well as flat sprat on their face in attempting to create a moment of instant recognition – that special haiku specialty – that usually is neither instant nor recognition. So, once again, I decided to add to the mass with a haiku that is definitely pretentious as well as completely devoid of any instant recognition.

The I can’t sleep haiku

Dije, dijiste,
dijo, dijimos, dijisteis,
dijeron, and snore.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
Woke up at five in the morning for unknown reasons and had a hard time going back to sleep. So I came up with the innovative solution to conjugate irregular Spanish verbs. It worked. And I even remembered ...

A lull haiku

Slow morning, just had
toast and coffee while watching
news on French TV.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2018)

Note
The plain and simple truth with some omissions for haiku conciseness. Nothing material was omitted. No people, animals or plants were harmed in the making of this haiku. How good a slow morning can be!

The tea leaf haiku

Soggy tea leaves in 
a pot will be tomorrow’s 
dried and trusted poem.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Now try and tell the future from that! This was obscurely inspired by someone else's haiku on rose petals (always a favorite poetic flavoring ingredient) in someone else's tea that were about to become a poem. What do you call that? Parasitic? Transformation? Transgression? Leap? Sorry about the extra syllable. Purists might care. Final speculation: Is this the poem now, or will it only become poem tomorrow?

The Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen haiku

The chimes of freedom
flashing and dancing in the 
dark mix persistent

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Yesterday they played something by the Boss* at the coop supermarket, which was a welcome change from the idiotic stuff they mostly play, and a few days ago I listened to some songs by the Byrds on youtube, including Dylan’s Chimes of freedom. Some time this morning I found both songs going round and round in my head in an inextricable jumble, sort of my own DJ mind mix.

What connects the two songs? No idea, but must be significant.

*It wasn’t Dancing in the dark but Tougher than the rest, I seem to recall.

The artificial intelligence haiku

Stop second guessing
and correcting what I have
to say, you dumbshit.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Notes
Needs to be urgently said before this artificial so-called “intelligence” takes over everything completely. Like Google: “Did you mean ...?” NO, I DEFINITELY DID NOT! STOP QUESTIONING MY INTELLIGENCE, YOU ARTIFICIAL NITWIT and then presenting “sponsored” results I did not ask for.

Stop putting words in my mouth (or under my fingers), Android! You are not even vaguely an android but a stupidly programmed piece of idiocy.

Long live artificial inanity – it shall eventually achieve its ultimate goal: to stop everyone from doing their own thinking.

The 1970s movie title haiku

Dame in a car with
oversized sunglasses and
a loaded shotgun

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 1977)

Note
Movies with similar titles came out in the 1970s in Europe. The dating of the copyright is in synch with the thought and inspiration, not the actual time of writing, which is good old 2017. Picture the sunglasses as similar to those Jackie O. would wear.

An unpleasant haiku

Approaching my hand
to my nose, I realized 
it smelled like garbage.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
The truth and nothing but. When that occurred just now, I remembered that I’d taken some plastic trash to the dumpster during the walk I’d just returned from. I must have made contact with the dumpster when throwing the bag in the square hole. Not to worry – I washed my hands thoroughly before writing this down.

A summer visit haiku

Two sultry perfumes
clashing on the sofa and
the fan mixing them.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Razor-edge-of-time haiku reporting. The truth and nothing but.

The oh Windows poem

(Small ode to updatitis)

My computer has just received
the latest Windows update

Which means it’ll be busy
Microsofting for an hour or so

Instead of doing
what it needs to do

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Once in a while I let Windows install an update and immediately regret it because it means that the PC will be slow as a snail for at least an hour afterwards doing God knows Microsoft what instead of working for me.

The failed poetry haiku

Objects juxtaposed
and not filled with poetic
meaning – fail! Fail! Fie!

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Elucidating note
Such objects or emotional weight carriers might be, for example: evening, window across, still unbegun, longing, promise, return, unspoken, unsaid, arm of love, fingers touching the heart, castles in the air (don’t call them pipe dreams, that removes the poetic component), etc.

The age of well-ventilated knees

These days of torn pants may well be remembered as the age of well-ventilated knees by future generations.

(Who knows - doctors may remember them best for the increase in osteoarthritis ...)