Take your evil measurement

For all those who, like me, always had the misconception they were practically saintly...

You Are 30% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Unforgotten by my spammer friends

Today, I received spams from:

• Healthy Cleanse
• Roscoe Belcher
• Gay Benjamin
• Simone Shea
• Dorothy Combs
• Aubrey Browning
• Rosalie Phillips
• Tina (Tina who?)
• Specialists in Foreclosure
• Cash Advance

Couldn't go on yesterday to thank them all for their special messages. This morning, more came in from:

• Rosalinda V. Currie
• Rosalinda X. Currie (must be sisters, maybe even twins?)
• Louis Porter
• Dion O. Glass
• Dion K. Glass (Dion O. and Dion K. are the poor suckers that married the Currie twins, no doubt)
• Darla Lehman
• Rigoberto Serrano

And what did they all have to say? Well, the Currie twins had news about one part of male anatomy that they want enlarged (Dion O. and Dion K. must be lacking in that department), while Louis let me in on his philosophy regarding drug buyers' needs and wants ("When individuals ask for their treatment they commonly seek the following ...") and Darla had me puzzled with the following statement:

Message subject

www.peoplemultiply.cn?

%CUSTOM_END

But Rigoberto had the best news of all of them:

Your your credit report doesn't matter to us!

If you OWN real estate and want IMMEDIATE cash to spend ANY way you like, or simply wish to LOWER your payments by a third or more, here is the deal we can offer you NOW (hurry, this deal will expire TONIGHT):

$270,000+ loan

Well, perhaps the news of the worldwide credit crunch crisis hasn't reached Paraguay yet (I like to imagine that Rigoberto hails from there), so this true financial helper shall be forgiven.

Thank you all, my spammer friends.

Praying for the angels

I forget to pray for the angels
and then the angels forget to pray for us.

– Leonard Cohen ("So Long, Marianne")

Now would the angels really do that?

If biblical and other sources are correct, there is a finite, rather small number of angels. They must be very powerful to remember each one of us. And they must be in all places at all times.

So what fib no. 3

A
man's
climbing
up a rock
with a giant tooth-
pick. A green-headed pink turtle
with yellow spots lies
flat. So what?
is what
you
say.

– Len "No Nonsense" Blumfeld

All once again based on closer observation of my immediate office surroundings (Chris' workplace).

Why do I get that sinking feeling ...

... even though my horoscope is great?

H: You have a kind spirit.
I: I have, it's true. In fact, some people have told me I tend to be too kind to the wrong people.

H: Although you sometimes focus too much on your career, you try to do good for other people.
I: I often think I should have focused more on my "career" – then I'd really have one. But yes, it's true, sometimes I'm a real do-gooder.

H: Today you might need to step in and be a good citizen.
I: All right, if it has to be!

H: Someone around you might be suffering, and they could use your help.
I: I know at least two people who love to tell me about their suffering and who always proclaim they need my help.

H: You might need to loan someone money so that they can take care of a pressing need.
I: As long as it's no more than a couple of bucks. Ain't got that much more myself.

H: Or you might chat with someone who has had a lot of emotional stress lately.
I: Being one who has had a lot of emotional stress lately myself, we could exchange laments.

– Len "It's All In The Stars" Blumfeld

in response to a prompt from Sunday Scribblings.

Looking around collage

The people across from the office have two yellow and one blue plastic flowers attached to their bathroom window. It is the bathroom window because it is made of that rough-textured glass that is no-see-through.

I'm sure the whole wide world has been waiting to read this.

On to other, equally notable things.

On my absent colleague's cabinet there are two miniature Mercedeses, one maroon, the other silver. One's stuck in sort of a tupperware bowl on a sheaf of papers, the other one on what looks like some sort of ramp. Black plastic. Neither Mercedes looks very happy.

The subprime rate mortgage crisis keeps throwing its weight around. Now it turns out that even the oh so successful on their own Chinese were hoping to make a fast buck on another bubble that was supposed to keep growing forever and that was mostly based on loans that should have never been given in the first place. Idiocy thy name is banking.

Darshini David wore bright orange yesterday. Big buttons again, even though the collar was less pronounced than usual. Made her upper body look humongous. I'd been looking forward to her daily appearance, but BBC did not put her on. Rico Hizon from Singapore, a man of vast knowledge, enigmatic smiles and succinct wording (albeit also guilty of some overuse of personal address interjections), was left out as well.

BBC World News has been showing the same AT&T formula 1 whine car racing commercial for weeks. Something about "ultimate speed," "enhanced performance" and "innovative solutions." Leaves me panting every single time. AT&T would be well advised to axe their commercial scribes for abundance of originality.

And oh the big business world is still complaining about the credit crunch that prevents them from sinking trillions into questionable megadeals.

In Bangladesh the police is sent after students that have been proclaiming loudly what everyone has known forever – niffy, inept, self-serving government. Not so different from most governments. More about this on Global Voices.

Oh well. Time to get on with work.

Louis L'Amour Country

Oh
to
be in
Louis L’Amour
country: big sky – crisp
air – checked shirt – back on saddle –
sipping black brew from
metal cup.
Dogies
low-
ing.

– Len "Office Cowboy" Blumfeld

How'd this one come about? Through an excursion to romance country (Saoirse Redgrave's Write that Romance! blog) and coming upon a Louis L'Amour book cover there. Instant sprouting of the cowboy stereotype material seed stored in my mind into a fib...

Dear new diary

Written as suggested by Sunday Scribblings:

The prompt for this week is: Dear Diary.
Shhhhhhh... are your secrets deep and dark or wistful and whimsical? Do you have a character that you need to flush out by writing some diary entries? Is there something your twelve-year-old self wants to say? Do you have a silly secret crush? What needs to be written in a beautiful book and locked with a tiny gold key?

Here goes...

Dear new diary,

I’m starting you to turn a new leaf, swearing to be radically honest about the person to be recorded here. For a few minutes being.

First off, what are my motivations?

1. I want to be read, that’s why I’m participating in a blog thread. So I’m like a spider in a way, spinning a web to trap potential readers. Except that the overall web has been woven before. I’m in a chain of webs, so to speak.

2. Why not be radically honest once in a while? Even though I’ve had my share of radically honest attacks and have always come out radically honestly different, this has not worn off all my inclination to radical honesty. I’ve noticed that radical honesty – my own or others’ – is not necessarily free from strings. There might be vanity involved – Look how radically honest I can be! – or sickness with one’s own perpetual lies to cushion up one’s existence. Can we really stand the truth about ourselves? Can we admit to being greedy, stingy, stupid, envious, evil, hopeless, hopeful, befuddled, spaced out, sick, perverse, all that? Not that we are all that all the time, of course. But some of the time or the majority of the time everyone is a bit of this, a bit of that. Even though some of it might be well-hidden under so-called good intentions.

3. After this theoretical preamble on virtue and vice, let me delve into today.

• I’ve already managed to be tired and not listen to some of the things my beloved held forth about. That’s why I can’t even remember the topic of her holding forth.
• I’ve already ruminated about a friend – how strenuous she can be, how hectic, how difficult in her relations with others (including me). Although I tend to go to great length with her in trying to smooth things over. To explain her misconceptions benevolently.
• I’ve already suffered from self-doubt, thinking that, if closely examined, people will quickly find out that I’m not all that wonderful. (Have I given you any reason to believe I’m wonderful so far? No, I don’t think so.)
• I just thought about wordiness. I’m usually a man of few words. I can put things in a nutshell, but often others want more effusion than a nutshell. They want at least a big, big coconut – stuffed and overflowing. I’ve been accused of being simplistic because I’m usually happy with simplified interpretations of things. Makes life so much simpler sometimes.
• I’ve already white-lied. It’s that cushioning I mentioned before. Cushioning things up for others, but also for oneself.
• Worry: the truth will inevitably shine through!
• I had too much for lunch. Not only that, I ate two more chocolate-covered rice cakes shortly after lunch.
• Now I’ll have to go get coffee.
• More reason to worry: I am doing things I am not getting paid to do.

Dear new diary, that’s it for now, some time in August of 2007, in the middle of the week. I can look out from underneath the shutters and see dense white clouds moving along the stark contrast of a uniformly sprayed sky. Just thought you needed to know that for environmental completeness.

PS: I'm fighting with some Blogspot formating issues. Sometimes Blogspot does something different every time you save the same post.

Gacela of the three dark pigeons

Three dark pigeons were sitting on the ground in a triangle.

“I am chest,” said the first one.
“I am beak,” said the second.
“And I am eye,” said the third.

The first one was another,
the second one could not speak,
and the third one was none.

Three dark pigeons were sitting on the ground in a triangle.

– Leonard Blumfeld

Unavoidable note
This is what you get when you walk over to Penny Market for a frustration snack and notice three pigeons seated in the parking lot. Brings up memories of García Lorca's Gacela de las palomas oscuras, and your mind starts playing around...

Elucidative Ad Sense

In my previous post I used the word "elucidative" without being quite sure whether it really exists. To verify, I did a Google search and landed on a Free Dictionary by Farlex page that promised help.

Alas, the page had little elucidation on the elusive elucidative, but wisely knew what people who search for the word might actually need:

HD Endoscopy
Endoscopy cameras utilize HD to improve clarity and visibility.
www.hd-endoscopy.com

Prevent Server Down Time
Pre-emptive Support - 24/7 Identify problems before they occur
www.bea.com/wls

What Is Metaphysics?
What Metaphysics Means / Courses University Of Metaphysical Sciences
UMSonline.org/CourseDescriptns.htm

Thank you, Ad Sense, for understanding my needs in such a precisely targeted manner. I'll definitely check out the true meaning of metaphysics the next time I have a few hopefully elucidative moments. Whatever that may mean.

Should I worry about blogspot server down time, though? Enough to identify problems before they occur? Would endoscopy help?