The opium haiku

This so-called fragrance
is an allergen. Makes me
sneeze. Kills small animals.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Based on facts! Even though at least one person I know and love would contradict me vehemently and keeps wearing it.

Disclaimer
Does not refer to the drug.

Gods of Egypt

(Another movie one-liner)

An overblown piece of Hollywood fantacrap with shitloads of tiring special effects – don't waste your time and money on this one.

– Leonard Blumfeld

Note
Refers to the 2016 film Gods of Egypt, directed by Alex Proyas and starring Gerard Butler – darkened somewhat to look particularly sinister – and a slew of other ethnically incorrect white actors. If you want to find out something worthwhile about ancient Egypt or Egyptian deities, give this bore a miss and visit your local library.

The sideburn haiku

That should do – shave off
the sideburns along with the
frontburns and backburns.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Wonder what it would look like if someone did that?

Happy happy felicity

The Linguasso Text Collage generator is alive and well! It generated this collage for me and made me chuckle heartily. Try it out for yourself ...

A mostly stolen haiku

In the box
nothing
laughing

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
What happened here is that I read someone’s haiku, which had something (some object I can’t recall) in place of the nothing and seemed quite flat. So, to pep things up a bit and introduce some leaping* element, I used nothing instead. Try to imagine nothing laughing. What would that laughter look like/sound like? Nothing has no face, no voice. Quite apart from the fact that this haiku is seriously underfilled by common syllabic standards.

* Cf. Robert Bly, Leaping Poetry

The Hateful Eight

(One-line movie quickshots)

A lengthy exercise in Tarantinoism - no need to waste your time on that one.

- Leonard Blumfeld

Note
This quickshot refers to the 2015 film The Hateful Eight, directed by Quentin Tarantino and starring Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell and Jennifer Jason Leigh and others. Go ahead and watch if you get off on cruelty, gore, etc.

A cough next door at 1 p.m.

(Another truthful haiku)

She must be rising
after last night’s 4 o’clock
boyfriend shouting match

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Nothing but the truth reported here. The dear neighbor girl came home with her latest sweetheart around 11 last night, exposed the entire neighborhood to rumba zumba music for an hour and later proceeded to have it out publicly with the guy down below between 4 and 5 in the morning.

A Sunday morning haiku

Woken up by the
bark of a dog named Leila
passing by below.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Of course I wouldn’t have known the dog’s name if her master hadn’t said it as he was trying to calm her down. Rome, January 29, 2017, 9:22 a.m.

The rhymed morning note haiku

Darling, I’m going
very far – I’m on my way
to the coffee bar.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Completely authentic. Conceived in my head en tour to that said establishment.

The what does that bode for Rome haiku

January 2, 2017

Productivity:
piles of fresh dogshit along
the sidewalks today

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2017)

Note
Sad to say, the first poem this year starts on a disgusting note. However, the scats were too numerous and strategically placed to go unnoticed. Oh well.