My jewelry is missing

My jewelry is missing … he wouldn’t have sold it … or would he?

Endless GIF loop created from a scene from Lost Highway by David Lynch. Starring Patricia Arquette.

Doggone it

I've got the blues a-
gain. It is infectious, the
meanness of this world.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes
Not really needed. Could give you a long list of things that are wrong with this world – if you insist.

Today’s misread haiku

So it was the mush-
room’s black underpants that made
me smile and write this.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
Sometimes misreading something results in something more interesting than the intended word. Anyway, what I was supposed to read was “of the mushroom’s black underpleats” in Amy Newman’s poem Sylvia Plath Is in Paris with a Balloon on a Long String. That’s rather stating the obvious. We all know that mushrooms tend to be dark on the underside, even though it might not occur to just anyone to call that “black underpleats”. But a mushroom with black underpants – now that’s something that makes a leap as prescribed for poetry by Robert Bly.

A preposterous situation haiku

Supporting the weight
of the clouds. You’ve been doing
it for years, my girl.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
If there’s one kind of poetry I don’t like it’s the type that attempts to blow up a perfectly normal situation into something “poetic” (and subsequently usually asking rhetorical questions along the lines of “why oh why is this happening to oh so sensitive poor poor me”). Sometimes I picture these poems hitting their author in the face like a balloon burst from overinflation with all that fake meaning.

Back when we were hunters and gatherers

From the soon to be released book Diary of a turtle.

The Dr. Who haiku

Buzz. “Who is it?” “Who?”
“Doctor who? What do you want?”
“Ah, Dr. Woo! Nín hăo!”

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes
The fun(ny)/weird haiku keep coming.
Short as usual and mercilessly.
Again with dialog. Against the rules.
(Nín hăo = hello in Chinese.)

The spy novel haiku

Dedicated to Len Deighton

Shot in the arm vein.
“Now speak the truth.” Was this to
be the end of me?

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
This was inspired by various things I read, saw and associated this morning. Plus there are these novels in 3, 4 or 5 words going around. This one has 17, so it can be called an epic. And it can pride itself of having dialog, which is rare for a haiku.

5-minute aliens

Dedicated to Richard Brautigan

Watched five minutes of another Aliens invade the world movie. Actually, we’re doing such a good job of destroying the world ourselves that aliens are not needed.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
What poetic form would this be? There is such a thing as an American sentence (invented, I believe, by Allen Ginsberg in an attempt to Americanize the haiku). But this is two sentences. So it is a little more un-American than an American sentence, also in view of the fact it doesn’t pay attention to any particular number of syllables. This poem is dedicated to Richard Brautigan because he might have written a poem similar to this.

The infinite loop installation haiku

(An exercise in straining the imagination)

In the middle the
fallen lupodopteryx
right in the middle

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes
How much of a haiku is allowed to be outside the haiku?
There is a lot that’s outside this one.
First of all the inspiration, which was a photo of some big animal that had died in an art installation (well, admittedly I’m sure it had died before if it had ever lived).
So I placed an equally huge animal in the middle of the haiku and made extra sure that it could be identified as the centerpiece by repeating the middle part.
But now comes the other thing that’s outside the haiku: the building this installation is in. The lupodopteryx is in the center of a central room, which is blocked off for visitors by ropes strung up between the columns supporting the structure. This room is surrounded by a ring-like hallway, from which the lupodopteryx can be seen through the spaces between the columns.
Any gallery or museum dying to house this installation is most welcome to contact me.

The Sunday morning wake-up fib

Not
a
thing is
better than
waking up from the
thunderous farts of a motor-
cycle at 6 a.m. right in front of your window

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
I know, I know – today’s not Sunday. But the thunderous memories from last Sunday kept inspiring me...