The Sunday morning wake-up fib

Not
a
thing is
better than
waking up from the
thunderous farts of a motor-
cycle at 6 a.m. right in front of your window

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
I know, I know – today’s not Sunday. But the thunderous memories from last Sunday kept inspiring me...

Apple innovation slowing down?

Let me assure you that there’s no need to worry – there are many new, exciting and absolutely groundbreaking products in the iPipeline. Here’s a short list (in alphabetical order by product name) of what to look forward to within the near future:

• The Big iMac – an entire range of affordable products to be sold at selected so-called high-speed edibles technology distribution centers.

• The iBod – this is Apple’s answer to mankind’s body shaping needs. Everyone will have the new body they desire within weeks of purchasing this fascinating product. And Apple will know everything about every customer’s body.

• The iBot – the household and garden robot bound to relieve you of pleasant as well as unpleasant chores.

• The iCare – has nothing to do with eye care. It’s all about the people that care about Apple products.

• The iDiot – currently not under active development. A lot of these are already around, and many of them already own iProducts. However, the rounded corners and general flatness of this product have already been patented.

• The iDot – this fascinating high-tech product will go far beyond the dot on the i.

• The iDyll – name of Apple’s entry in the romantic travel market. Will be operated through a piece of software similar to iTunes unless integrated in iTunes. 

• The iGod – this product is so advanced and innovative some call it blasphemous or religious. This may not be the final product name.

• The iLiad – a product for the electronic literacy market still shrouded in mystery. Intended to beat the iSocks off Kindle and the likes. Used to be copyrighted by an entity named Homer, but copyright has expired and not been renewed.

• The iPaddy – a special green version of a known product for the Irish market. Comes with a transparent clover leaf instead of the bitten apple.

• The iSil – this product, squarely aimed at Clearasil, was intended to blast Apple into the lucrative skin care market. However, product development has been put on hold due to negative publicity for a group with a very similar name. Product will have a bright future once these difficulties have been sorted out.

• The iSis – originally intended as Apple’s response to the rapid growth sissy market, there is currently a negative trend for this name as a result of a militant group which has illegally usurped it. Product development put on hold. Product will have a bright future once these difficulties have been sorted out.

• The iSod – shares some features with the iDiot, further details not yet known.
• iStar – while everyone’s talking about cloud computing, Apple is already taking the next logical step: star computing is storage that is as remote as it gets. And no, it is not light years away!

• The iUber – not much is known about this product except that the name has already been patented. It is rumored that it is in line with the current popularity of the German prefix über (from which the two dots on the u are usually dropped because the character is not found on English keyboards), which usually designates something superior or superordinate.

Will Apple be able to deliver and sustain innovation, shareholder value and inflated product prices over the years to come despite maturing markets for its current products? Given the multitude of leading edge developments outlined above, the answer can only be a glaring YES!

– Leonard Blumfeld (©, ®, ™, ℠, etc. 2015)

The faded memory haiku

And in retrospect
even that mighty lion
seems small and mousy.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Inevitable notes
Even though I take pride in not wasting words in haiku, I left in the leading “And” – it works well as some sort of intro; try it out for yourself and remove it, and you’ll see that the poem starts too abruptly. Also, when I was writing this in my mind, I had a “somewhat” qualify the “mousy”. However, shortage of syllables available lets you have it full blast now.

The senility or what haiku

Using words not re-
remembered to talk about con-
cepts not remembered.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes
What was that about again?

The sounds of silence haiku

Dedicated to Simon and Garfunkel

How many who love
the song have ever truly
listened to those sounds?

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
This alludes to the paradox of the song: the sounds of silence cannot possibly be a song – they can only be silence. Right? But then it could be said that silence is not always something desirable (like the silence of meditation, for example) but might be terrifying or threatening, as in the song, where it grows like a cancer...

The poetry as I see it haiku

Poetry's job is
not to regurgitate pop-
ular platitudes.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes
If poetry has a job (some might argue that it is too sacrosanct to have something so mundane, while others might say that it is permanently jobless), then it should be more meaningful than to replicate favorite platitudes and attitudes and well-trodden ways of seeing, thinking and feeling. In an age where taste seems to be dictated by the number of likes or little hearts something gets, this is all the more important to keep in mind ... lest poetry completely descend to the democracy of insipidity.

The I do not like a certain kind of insect haiku

My poor legs are shot
full of mosquito poison
and itching, itching

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Note
The truth and nothing but the truth. Razor-edge-of-time reporting from the Roman office work front.

The nonessential haiku

Spent about one hour

doing the nonessential

so far this morning.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes

Now that I've written that I'm going to do something essential and go for a walk.

The madness in the bathtub haiku

Who got her to strip

and sit in the bathtub clutch-

ing the shower head?

 

- Leonard Blumfeld ((c) 2015)

 

Note

Inspired by the above portrait of actress Saki Takaoka by Kishin Shinoyama (2013).

The free pizza online fibonacci

It’s
too
bad you
cannot get
free pizza online.

– Leonard Blumfeld (© 2015)

Notes

What brought this one about?

The majority of mankind is predictable, materialistic and stingy. Our billionaires are shining examples and everyone else would like to be like them. No news there. But on to the topic at hand ...

Why waste your precious money if you can get music, movies, art, novels, poetry, photos and what not for free on the Internet? Who cares about the idiots that actually create the stuff.

When, as technology and virtuality advance, pizza and other food and drinks will become available on the Internet for free, this will undoubtedly be THE BIG HIT.

What about the economy, though? After all, these are the tangible items that still turn over oodles of money. These are items even the stingiest have to pay for because there is no other choice.

Have you ever asked for a free copy of a pizza and been thrown out of the joint?

Have you ever noticed how easily people spend 25 $ or € per person at a restaurant to pay for items that cost perhaps 2 $ or € to make and/or buy, but when it comes to buying a book for 10 $ or € they grind their teeth and say they can’t afford it?