The without you fib

For A.B.

How
long
will I
find ways in
myself to suffer
spending so much time without you?

– Leonard “Without Her” Blumfeld (© 2009)

Posted as an entry for Sunday Scribblings' Weird. What's the connection – what does this fibonacci have to do with weirdness? Well, it's about the weird game of perceived true love, perceived self-deception, renewed hope, renewed attraction, inability to let go I've been playing with and against myself for close to two years now. What stamina! That is weird, isn't it?

Saturday in November

Oh what a nuisance leaves can be.
Even though they're pretty the way they've turned yellow and brown.
Especially on a dry, surpringly warm Saturday in latish November.
But they also get soaked and ground-sticky and broom-resistant.
Razor-edge-of-time experience reported here.
Yes, this weekend it's my turn to clean the common areas of the building.
I've only done the outside part of it, and now have to leave because I'm going to a friend's open studio show in Ludwigsburg.
There's always tomorrow for the rest, right? Right.

Leonard "On Razor's Edge" Blumfeld

I'm in one of those

... everything sucks (even though I should know better and be grateful for what I have) moods.

Work sucks, love sucks, there isn't any sense to life.

You get the general picture.

I'd prefer to simply leave, go home and sleep.

– Len "Deep"* Blumfeld

* Short for "depressed".

First comment (from anonymous): Get some antidepressant, dude. Half the U.S. is on something or other.

Alternating current

Looks like the downward half of the sinusoidal curve is here again.
Friendly, noncommittal treatment. Turndowns I find offensive because they go overboard in being turndowns.
Like this:
"Would you like half of one of these?"
"No, I don't like chocolate crescents."
"I normally don't like them much, either. But they looked so cute with the chocolate stripes on top I couldn't resist."
"Without the chocolate stripes I would have liked them."
Get the point?

Leonard "Raging Inside" Blumfeld

She's doing it again...

(For A.B., as usual)

Just for the momentary* record: she's doing it again –
sending me to a different world as in She says.

L.B.

* Who knows how long this phase will last in this oh so mercurial sentimental world of mine.

Musical tree

Created and posted for Tree at Inspire Me Thursday.

Darkish

Original digital art created for 'dark' at Inspire Me Thursday.

She says...

For A.B., as usual

She says, looking him in the eyes unflinchingly:
Why do you call me your nightmare incubate?
Is it to tickle your vanity?
You used to think of me so differently,
said you loved me, only me.
Told me I was so beautiful that simply
looking at me took you to a different world.
Now, tell me, where did all that go?
How did I become your nightmare incubate?

- Leonard "It's All Vanity" Blumfeld

Written using incubate, nightmare and vanity from 3WW.

Mademoiselle Rivière et moi

This week, Inspire Me Thursday suggested taking Ingres' painting Mademoiselle Caroline Rivière and going to work on it. Which is exactly what I did, doing some digital magic involving a photo of yours truly.

Blumfeld's back

Oh no - it's been weeks since my last appearance here.

What have I been doing?

Lots.

Let's see - there was an Indian event here in Stuttgart, for which I organized some of the music (Subroto Roy Chowdhury on sitar, accompanied by Sanjib Pal). There was a trip to Munich to see my daughter before the end of her semester break. We dived into the art world by visiting an exhibition of Pakistani sufi posters and the gigantic Alfons Mucha show (art nouveau), which included some of his well-known posters but other works as well, including some bombastic Pan-slavic megalomania paintings.

My love life's been on the rocks and mostly in the dumps.

Strangely enough, I can't seem to enjoy life when I do not allow myself to be in love (and yes, with that one particular woman I've been writing for, to and about for the last year and a half).

Bye for now during a break in work.

Don't tell the boss.

– Len "Heartbreaker" Blumfeld