Friday, September 11, 2015

Apple innovation slowing down?

Let me assure you that there’s no need to worry – there are many new, exciting and absolutely groundbreaking products in the iPipeline. Here’s a short list (in alphabetical order by product name) of what to look forward to within the near future:

  • The Big iMac – an entire range of affordable products to be sold at selected so-called high-speed edibles technology distribution centers.
  • The iBod – this is Apple’s answer to mankind’s body shaping needs. Everyone will have the new body they desire within weeks of purchasing this fascinating product. And Apple will know everything about every customer’s body.
  • The iBot – the household and garden robot bound to relieve you of pleasant as well as unpleasant chores.
  • The iCare – has nothing to do with eye care. It’s all about the people that care about Apple products.
  • The iDiot – currently not under active development. A lot of these are already around, and many of them already own iProducts. However, the rounded corners and general flatness of this product have already been patented.
  • The iDot – this fascinating high-tech product will go far beyond the dot on the i.
  • The iDyll – name of Apple’s entry in the romantic travel market. Will be operated through a piece of software similar to iTunes unless integrated in iTunes. 
  • The iGod – this product is so advanced and innovative some call it blasphemous or religious. This may not be the final product name.
  • The iLiad – a product for the electronic literacy market still shrouded in mystery. Intended to beat the iSocks off Kindle and the likes. Used to be copyrighted by an entity named Homer, but copyright has expired and not been renewed.
  • The iPaddy – a special green version of a known product for the Irish market. Comes with a transparent clover leaf instead of the bitten apple.
  • The iSil – this product, squarely aimed at Clearasil, was intended to blast Apple into the lucrative skin care market. However, product development has been put on hold due to negative publicity for a group with a very similar name. Product will have a bright future once these difficulties have been sorted out.
  • The iSis – originally intended as Apple’s response to the rapid growth sissy market, there is currently a negative trend for this name as a result of a militant group which has illegally usurped it. Product development put on hold. Product will have a bright future once these difficulties have been sorted out.
  • The iSod – shares some features with the iDiot, further details not yet known.
  • iStar – while everyone’s talking about cloud computing, Apple is already taking the next logical step: star computing is storage that is as remote as it gets. And no, it is not light years away!
  • The iUber – not much is known about this product except that the name has already been patented. It is rumored that it is in line with the current popularity of the German prefix über (from which the two dots on the u are usually dropped because the character is not found on English keyboards), which usually designates something superior or superordinate.
Will Apple be able to deliver and sustain innovation, shareholder value and inflated product prices over the years to come despite maturing markets for its current products? Given the multitude of leading edge developments outlined above, the answer can only be a glaring YES!

– Leonard Blumfeld (©, ®, ™, ℠, etc. 2015)

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